Monday, December 25, 2006
The great warrior.
The sound of the rain is still stuck in his head.
The hope for the sun has already died out, washed away by the raindrops.
Things have not been spoken, quietly anticipating.
Leaving things as it is, the consequences becomes unclear.
Miracles might just happen, but futile and empty efforts are history.
Only miracles can make things happen.
Don't know how to put it in words anymore.
Don't know how he is going to believe again.
Don't know how how to look at it again.
Don't know how to stop the rain.
Don't know where he isat anymore.
Don't know what is in your mind.
Don't know what is not knowing anymore.
Take it all and wrap it in a parcel. Keep it safely. Hide it away until the end of time. Happy mixed with bitterness brings an unforgettable feeling. Sourness mixed with sadness brings an unique aftertaste. All he could see in front was his own reflection then it cracks bit by bit. He is already into pieces but it has never been obvious to anyone. Putting on the golden armour, with his mighty sword, he created a door to his true feelings, the keys were never found. The heart seems far away hidden by the armour, blocked by his silver shield. He seemed unbreakable because he is well protected Believe me, his strength has been revived, he don't need a heart to tell him his feelings cause he soon will cease to have any.
11:42 PM
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Far Away(Nickelback)
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
Cause you know, you know, you know
[Chorus]
I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give upCause you know, you know, you know
[Chorus]
I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
So far away
(So far away)
far away for far too long
So far away
far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know
that I wanted
I wanted you to stay
Cause I needed
I need to hear you say:
I love you
(I love you)
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
(and I forgive you)
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and never let me go
Keep breathingCause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and never let me go
(Keep breathing)
Hold on to me and never let me go
(Keep breathing)
Hold on to me and never let me go
3:41 AM
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Rain Rain Go Away
I can't stand the weather anymore. The rain seems to be just pouring on forever, feeling sad because I have been bored for too long and because I have thought just too much for the past few days. The more I think, the more frustrated I get. Thoughts seem to pile up higher and higher, but evrything seems not accesible at all.
Rain pouring down, lengthening the distance from the end, giving me time to recollect everything. I just can't figure out the next step to anything. Could feel myself losing grip, the tighter my grip the faster it is just quietly slipping away. Want to say everything out loud but don't know how, want to hold on forever, but am afraid, want to make it true but seems confusing enough.
Later will be training, will go down and do my best. All seems hopeless but I have learnt not to give up anymore, think whatever you all want, don't bother telling me anymore.
Missing just goes on....
9:51 PM
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Faraway and Near
I have always thought that I had everything sorted out. I will know how to react in any situation, so all these left me feeling very well prepared. But now I realised what a fool I have been. Now I realised that everything is different. There is so many things to think but yet at the same time there is practically nothing to think. It seems very easy, but yet so hard at the same time. I don't know where to start,how to start and what to do anymore. I don't even know something so simple as to what I really want. I don't know anything in fact, people are right when they ask me,"what you know?". I am always lagging behind, never in front, never taking charge, never the one who will be making decisons.
I am not good at guessing things, I am terrible at it thats why I will have to spend so much time to figure something so simple. What am I supposed to do? Will the move I make be appropriate? I haven't conquer my fear of failing at all, I am still the same me all along. I don't know how, spent today thinking, so far got nothing other than people saying that I am stone. Who would want to be like this if given a choice? How am I to cope when there are so many things for me to figure out? When can things be just simple and pure as it is?
I don't know what I am thinking now too, but I am sure that this feeling is stronger than anything I have ever felt and I afraid that it will be all gone. I don't want to be so dependent, but I can't seem to control anything. What am I to do? Follow your heart is what I have thought will work, but having a hopeless mind like me didn't help at all. Seems so funny, brings back a slight smile, me pretending not to look when you walk into the room.
I want to do something but I am really at a lost, need a hint or clue, but it seems so faraway, out of my reach. What is there left to piece it out? At times everything seems so clear, then the fog will come to prevent me from seeing easy things. Want to take the plunge into a place where I will hide myself at times.
Never ever missed someone so bad, one of a kind experience I was left with. Can't figure out that feeling that I am going through too, is that what people call love? But I haven't figure out what that is too....Somehow in the deep end of my heart, I know that you will be the brightest star, the prettiest and the most beautiful and outstanding in my eyes.
1:03 AM
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Faraway
A thousand miles that made me weaker. I seem to have lost myself in the middle of no where, trying hard to be more independent, never thought I would end up like this. A thousand miles away, your laughter becomes softer and softer but your face becomes clearer. Wonder what's that strange feeling that I am going through, it is stronger than anything I have ever felt in this lifetime.
I brace myself to act this accident out and to end this chapter with lots to rememeber. Places brings back joyful memories, so happy they had you in it. It created a facade of happiness, fairytale and I am the little happy boy.
Still missing you, no second thought to anything from now on.
12:56 AM
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Mistake
I thought I had grown up, I had managed to understand and figure out the confusion of everything. I thought I was strong, I try time and again to make myself not so dependent on anything but somehow I have totally failed.
I don't know whether it is a good or bad thing. It frightens me so much that I dared not think about it at times. I realised that it was not me that had become stronger, it was someone's else strength that held my already dissipated soul in place all along. I have cleverly deceived myself into beliving that I had already grown out of my shell, that I would have the power to overcome all odds.
Now I realised my folly, my mistake but I do not really know what to do anymore. I am tired out trying and failing all the time, it wears me out, there is a limit to everything. I hope the day never comes when my last bit of extra strength decide to walk out on me.
5:52 AM
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Fairytales and Deception falling into place
I am speechless listening to the legends of fairytales. So confused whether to still ever believe in them, when you were young, your parents will always tell you it is only a story but you will look at them as if they are stupid or something because deep down inside your heart, you quietly believe in them. Now when you are all grown up, one side of you know that all these fairytales are nothing but more than overly riched imagination. But one side of you still secretly believe that MAYBE they will be true. You are caught in between, follow your human side or to follow what knowledge has educated you throughout the years.
It is just like this all the time,getting caught in between. Not advancing or retreating, just stuck in the middle. This is made worse when you realise that while you are caught in between, time is passing you by, leaving no time for you to taste that bit of sweetness. Watching everything fall into place, I open my eyes wide trying to see every single movement, making sure I remember the process.
Your hurry and confused appearance, I quietly smile while admiring it. So clear and transparent, it is like the waves,vshhhh....as it hits the shores. So soothing to the ears, so refreshing when you think about it. Till now, I never fail to manage a slight smile when that sight resurface from all my confusion.
8:41 PM
Friday, December 08, 2006
Simple love
I have made up my mind, it's okay now I guess. I have decided what I am going to do no matter what the situation may be. Love should just be pure and simple, keep it that way and it will all be easier. Everything is going to be just fine, I keep convincing myself. I am stronger than before, I will be able to cope. It is just going to come and go, then after that everything will be back to before.
7:28 PM
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
It's just me
I am just human, I do get tired at times. Why can't you all understand? Many things is not that obvious at all and I do not want to figure them out. Things are good as it is. I don't want to go back to reality. Fantasy is sweeter although it is a life of self-deception.
6:09 PM
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Wish me happy birthday
I am over feeling blue, thought through many things, witnessed many things throughout the week. I realised what is most important and will continue working towards it. It seems easy, just closing to the door to everything, you won't take notice of anyone. Shhhh....just keep quiet and people won't realise that I am sitting in that empty box all alone.
Sweetness and pain everyone has gone through, so fast for anyone to comprehend both. Till now, both seems to come in a package and you can't reject either one. Isn't that true?Think carefully please. When someday you realised this, you will become less dependent and will be able to wear problems down whenever you face them. Take your chances being young, slowly but surely, you will find your true destiny. Be patient, take failures and dissapointment in your stride and don't let it eat into your life. This is what I preach but can I practice it? I will tell you this, I will TRY.
Destiny will then lead to eternity, that's what it is called,true love.
8:59 PM
