Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Faraway and Near
I have always thought that I had everything sorted out. I will know how to react in any situation, so all these left me feeling very well prepared. But now I realised what a fool I have been. Now I realised that everything is different. There is so many things to think but yet at the same time there is practically nothing to think. It seems very easy, but yet so hard at the same time. I don't know where to start,how to start and what to do anymore. I don't even know something so simple as to what I really want. I don't know anything in fact, people are right when they ask me,"what you know?". I am always lagging behind, never in front, never taking charge, never the one who will be making decisons.
I am not good at guessing things, I am terrible at it thats why I will have to spend so much time to figure something so simple. What am I supposed to do? Will the move I make be appropriate? I haven't conquer my fear of failing at all, I am still the same me all along. I don't know how, spent today thinking, so far got nothing other than people saying that I am stone. Who would want to be like this if given a choice? How am I to cope when there are so many things for me to figure out? When can things be just simple and pure as it is?
I don't know what I am thinking now too, but I am sure that this feeling is stronger than anything I have ever felt and I afraid that it will be all gone. I don't want to be so dependent, but I can't seem to control anything. What am I to do? Follow your heart is what I have thought will work, but having a hopeless mind like me didn't help at all. Seems so funny, brings back a slight smile, me pretending not to look when you walk into the room.
I want to do something but I am really at a lost, need a hint or clue, but it seems so faraway, out of my reach. What is there left to piece it out? At times everything seems so clear, then the fog will come to prevent me from seeing easy things. Want to take the plunge into a place where I will hide myself at times.
Never ever missed someone so bad, one of a kind experience I was left with. Can't figure out that feeling that I am going through too, is that what people call love? But I haven't figure out what that is too....Somehow in the deep end of my heart, I know that you will be the brightest star, the prettiest and the most beautiful and outstanding in my eyes.
1:03 AM